I am the father of two beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and powerful girls. I am married to an amazing woman, Tywana, who has been on this journey with me for over three decades. Kayla Elyse is my first born. Shayna Elayne followed her into our lives three years later. Kayla is still with us in the physical world. Shayna transcended into the spirit plane on June 24, 2015.
I was born in 1961. While I’m only 56 at the time I write this, I feel ancient. It’s been a long hard journey from May 26, 1961 (20,794 days) to this point in history. I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian Pentecostal home. I had an intense fear of death from an early age due to the fact that I was taught that God basically hated me and wanted to send me to hell for being the way he created me. Unless I repented, was baptized, and followed Him to the letter, He had fiery Hell waiting for me. I spent a good part of my youth wishing I had never been born. Finally, at age 13 I was allowed to be baptized, I spoke in tongues, and I was “in”. But, I never felt quite right about this because I found it very difficult to worship such a monster god. The panic attacks started around this time and have continued most of my life, on and off. The fear of sudden death never left me. The feeling I wasn’t good enough for God never left me.
Around the age of 40 I finally sought counseling and kind of got a grip on all of this. I read voraciously learning all I could about the early church, the history of the Bible, and theology. I also began to research the afterlife. My background as an engineer caused me to want to know how this works. And, as a skeptic, I needed to be convinced by more than just biblical claims. I read studies on mediums, I read about NDEs, I read consciousness research. I read anything I could get my hands on to put my mind at ease. This was just after Shayna was born. I discovered Christian Universalism which is the belief that God will not allow any to perish, let alone keeping us alive for eternity just to punish us for being who He created us to be. This was a God I could believe in. I began to spread this message through another blog and through interactions on social media.
Life was amazingly beautiful until suddenly on June 24, 2015, my worst nightmare came true. The sudden death I had always fear visited my family, but instead of me being the one to go, it was my precious 15 year old daughter. We found Shayna in her bed on that morning, unresponsive. My life was over.
Somehow, I knew at that time I had to journal this. I don’t know what prompted me to do it. I had pretty much given up journaling long ago. Maybe I was inspired by C.S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed, subconsciously. I wanted to leave something behind for those coming after me to let them know what this is like.
Not long after Shayna made her transition, the synchronicities started, too numerous to mention them all here. I met the founder of Helping Parents Heal while on our first vacation ever to the desert. She happened to live close to where we were staying. I met the Director of the SoulPhone Foundation and got involved with that project. Because of my obsession with social media, I was one of four people who started what is now the online group of Helping Parents Heal with about 3,000 members and growing at the rate of about 50 a week. Shayna has been driving this every step of the way. When I thought she was exiting my life to not be seen again until that day I make the transition, she was just getting started. All of this is orchestrated. At this point I am trying to learn to trust Spirit as I make it my intention to serve Spirit in whatever capacity I am called to do in whatever number of days I have left until Sweet Reunion.